Tuesday, September 9, 2014

My People Once Were Warriors

My People Once Were Warriors

September 12, 2010 at 11:27pm
I thought you all might be able to relate.  Please offer any feedback.  This note is still in the works.
I was inspired to write some thoughts by one of my favorite movies.

History displays the glory of The Polynesians (Samoans, Tongans, Fijians, Tahitians, Maori, Hawaiians...) as they demonstrated great strength in making the Pacific their home.  They created the beauty of their culture through art, dance, music, song, stories, and food.  They also brought order through their traditions and customs.  Because every society is made up of sinful people, war has also been a part of communities.  Polynesian history is no different.  Thus, the necessity of the man to go to war has always been needed to serve and protect society.  This required a selflessness and self-sacrificing attitude on the part of the warrior for the greater good of family and people.  The Pacific Islanders made war with one another and among different tribes.  The warrior was a noble and honorable man who was employed for the protection of the people.

"What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you?  You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them..." James 4.1-2

So, what's with the title, "My People Once Were Warriors?"  In the movie, "Once Were Warriors," the leading actress, Beth, shames her violent, alcoholic, wife beating, dead-beat husband (Jake) with this line, "Our people once were warriors, Jake, but not like you.  They were people with Mana, pride; people with spirit."

Have any of you experienced a "Once Were Warriors" upbringing?   It includes growing up in an environment of drugs, drunkenness, adultery, rape, child molestation (evil uncles messing with the kids), off-the-hook violence, wife-beating to the point where mom is screaming in fear and pain, as she's being beaten like a man, left black-eyed, bruised and bloody by your father and sent to the hospital, again.  Then there's the shouting and yelling with rage, anger and wrath that makes you tremble deep in your soul.  Your pops grabs you by the collar and barks at you thru his teeth as he kicks the crap out of you.
Then you hear, "It'll never happen again. I promise."
Fooled once, twice, 3x, 7x, 70x....
Then there's all this conning, lying, stealing, shoplifting, gambling, addictions, gangs, witchcraft, mishandling of money, incarcerated family (a lot of cousins in jail), weapons, pornography, prejudice (blame the blacks, whites, Mexicans, Chinese...) verbal/emotional/physical/sexual ABUSE; not knowing my true parents, What, I have a half brother/sister?  Cousin who did the nasty with cousin who?  parents separating, being passed on to aunts/family friends, getting kicked out of the home (what a relief), religious hypocrisy to the core, unwillingness to work, welfare/freeloading/living off others/scamming others, getting cut down-ridiculed-disrespected-humiliated; and of course, the wild parties lasting late into the night; parents in a love&hate relationship-Dr. Jeckle & Mr. Hyde, don't upset pops or he goes ballistic?  What freaks!!!??

in shopping, money, food, tv...
in a boyfriend/girlfriend, fornicating...
in doing well at school, sports, music, poetry...
in a job
in a new location far from the drama.
In your homies, partying, clubs, violence, drugs, alcohol (oops, you're becoming your folks and repeating the cycle)
Why am I NOT free????

What the heck have I learned from all this?
What have I caught from what my folks have taught?
What has submerged into my soul and later manifests itself in fear, anxiety, rage, loneliness, anger, resentment, pain, meaninglessness, insecurity...?
Have I learned FEAR: fear of not being taken care of, fear of commitment, fear of relationships, fear of love, fear of control freaks, fear of angry people, fear of not having enough provisions (food, money, home...)?
Am I traumatized?
Does life seem unstable? directionless?
Do I freeze up under similar conditions?
What's replaying in my mind?

Am I where I want to be?
Am I who I want to be?

How do I handle all the trauma of the drama?
What am I doing to cope?
Do I have hope?
Do I have safe peeps I can turn to?
Is there some type of emotional injury I need healing from?

Please offer any feedback.  I'm still working on this.

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